Yesterday we sought to argue for the need for a commitment to the Word and prayer as a foundational step in building Christian Resistance. These are the weapons we have given the battle against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places. Today we continue with some practical changes we can make to family and personal life.
What practical changes can we make to our lives to build our resistance on the supernatural power of the Spirit and the Word? The following list is obviously not exhaustive, but I hope there will be something of value for you in what follows.
1. Word, Spirit and Community
My first suggestion is that we need to do these things in community. Personal Scripture reading and prayer is of course essential, however in families, we ought also to be doing these things together. God has placed many of us in Christian families. Growth in godliness occurs in this context. As iron sharpens iron, so reading God’s Word in community sharpens the community. If you are a father, you are the leader of your own little flock, and as a leader in one cell of the resistance, it is your privilege and responsibility to train it up for battle. Thus the importance of regular opportunities for reading the Word and prayer together. The Word and prayer ought to be the twin pillars that your family is founded on.
In my role as head of a family, this is something that I have grown in, and am still growing in, over the years, so let me share with you what I have learned so far in my experience. One of the most helpful things I have found over the years is tying Scripture and prayer to another routine and habit so that it becomes part of the regular fabric of family life together. We are now in the habit of reading Scripture together at the breakfast and dinner table. We tried after dinner, but we found that with a big family it was often hard to gather everyone together when there were jobs being done and there were different bedtimes and general chaos tended to ensue. Reading the word and praying while everyone is seated at the table tends to work very well.
There are various strategies we have used for this over the years. Sometimes it has been reading children’s bibles, other times going through catechism questions and answers along with verse references. At other times we have used devotional books with set questions and passages. My approach for the last year or so has been just reading a chapter of Scripture at each meal. I make a few comments about the meaning of the passage and the potential implications it has for our family life and life in New Zealand. I ask my wife for her thoughts and then I ask questions of different degrees of difficulty for different members of the family.
My wife has been a strong support in the spiritual development of our children. As she home schools, every weekday morning she sits the children down and teaches them from Scripture as the first order of business for the day. She has different materials she works through including books that help the children understand how Christianity fares in other countries in the world, as well as books like Long Story Short and Old Story New which take you through the big story of the Bible. Additionally, she and I have encouraged the children to spend time each day on their own in the Word. This seems to happen now without much checking up from us. The other day I walked in to one of my son’s bedrooms to find him sitting there with his bible and a pencil which heartened me greatly.
Another thing I try to invest in regularly is spending time with each of my children and using these times to speak of spiritual things. My wife and I set aside one night a week where we each spend time with one child. I have used these to watch sermons or Christian content with my older children, and have worked through a series talking about sexuality from a Christian perspective with one of my sons. Most nights when the children go to bed, I go and sit down on the bed with them and pray with and for them before I leave. This has become such a habit that I will often get asked if I forget!
Ultimately, the goal for families is to create a happy environment where the Word of God and prayer are as natural to life as breathing. They ought to saturate all you do and be part of your family culture. You want your children to love opening the Word and praying. Where I have struggled more is bringing Scripture to bear on the frictions that are a natural part of family life. This is something my wife and I are working on when we talk with the children in these situations.
Now what about those who do not live in a Christian home or who are living alone? If you live amongst non-Christians, my advice would be to ask one member of the household (or all) to spend one evening a week with you reading a short passage of Scripture and talking about it as a way of developing closer family relationships. I know of one friend who did this and the spiritual fruit it bore in his family was wonderful.
What if they refuse, or what if you are living alone? My advice is to join a small group of Christians who meet regularly to read the Scriptures and pray together. This should be a group where you are willing to get to know and be known by the other members so a supportive Christian community can develop, but it ought not be a comfortable club where there will be no practical challenges from the Word.
2. Cut Back Activities and Prioritise Community Spiritual Life
Some people especially those with a number of children will think, “How on earth can I ever get time where my whole family is together, let alone work on their spiritual formation?” For many of us, we have different sports for each kid on the weekend and practices during the week, and they are off at school for long periods during the day. So the question is a fair one, but it also should raise for us the question of what our priorities ought to be. Perhaps the modern secular approach to life and family is not neutral. Perhaps many of us are too busy with what is less important, and ought to think carefully about what it means to live quiet and godly lives (1 Timothy 2:2 and 1 Thessalonians 4:11). It ought to go without saying that a family’s spiritual health is of greater value than children’s activities and a busy social calendar. Fathers, we are responsible for ensuring that our family calendar leaves room (and that means plenty of time) for spiritual formation.
If you are worried about physical exercise, there are ways of doing this in a way that is less time hungry. Some families I know do things like Park Run together as a family for their exercise. This seems a good compromise. It allows for physical exercise without splitting up the family throughout the week and cutting into time for family worship and training. As Paul says, physical exercise is of some value, but godliness has value for all things (1 Timothy 4:8).
Here’s a practical exercise for those of you with children. Go and watch some old family videos of your children. Marvel at how little they once were and how quickly time has flown. Now project forward to the day they leave home and are no longer under your roof and graduate from your discipleship programme. What will they have learned? When looking back, what will you wish you had done more of? What matters most? Plan to make sure that you make the most of the years that remain so that there is as little regret as possible.
3. Let Scripture Drive and Direct Your Prayer Life
When we read the Scriptures together as a family, we try to let the passage we have just read help inform our prayers. For example, recently, reading through the book of Joshua, when we came to Joshua’s famous speech in Joshua 24, we were reminded to commit ourselves to Christ as a family and pray that our family would be known as a family who serves the Lord. A few days later when looking at the Judge Gideon, we were reminded of the way God loves to use weak people to defeat his enemies so that he gets the glory. This encouraged us in our prayers to ask God to use us and our family for his kingdom, because we too are weak and insignificant and the glory will all be his.
Furthermore, we need to see and imitate the kinds of prayers and content Scripture models for us. This includes praise and adoration for who God is and what he has done for us in Christ, thanksgiving, prayer for the growth of God’s kingdom, prayer for Christian leaders and ministry, prayer for governing authorities and the removal of evildoers from influence, prayer for daily needs, confession of personal sin, requests for wisdom, and of course our prayer for the spiritual awakening and building up in the faith of friends, family members and children.
Having a disciplined approach seems to be a good way of developing a robust prayer life as a family. At this stage, this is an area I have not led my family in as well as I would like, but it is one of my family goals for this year. We have set up a daily prayer list. Each day we pray for a member of the family and their spiritual and character goals for the year. We pray also for one group or organisation like a church or Christian ministry or the government, and we pray through another weekly list of items such as asking for an eternal perspective on life, greater skill to serve in the kingdom, wisdom to understand how to apply God’s Word to our culture, opportunities to be faithful stewards of the gifts God has given us and so on. Now again, this goal has not been a total success yet, but it is slowly developing.
This actually brings to mind another issue related to what we have discussed. As you try to grow in these areas as a family, my recommendation is not to try to change everything at once. As a family we have implemented change and growth slowly. We began a long time ago with evening bible reading. Slowly but surely we have added to our habits one thing at a time. Our next goal is going to be to develop a routine of disciplined family prayer. But don’t think of where you would like to be and despair because trying to implement everything at once is too daunting. Add one new discipline at a time until it becomes a habit. And don’t be discouraged when routine changes (like a new baby) come along. Keep trying to develop positive spiritual disciplines and habits.