As a teacher, I see all types of parents and parenting philosophies. I also see the end products.
One type of parent that I see is what could be described as ‘well-meaning, but powerless’. This sort of parent complains to the teacher about their child’s behaviour and how they are unhappy about what he is doing, but they are unable to prevent it. A classic case is the child who continues to use technology when the parent tries to limit it.
How does one get to a stage where a primary aged child refuses to do what his Mum or Dad asks and Mum and Dad are helpless to do anything about it? It all comes down to parenting philosophy. Many new parents-to-be, naively view parenting as something that comes naturally and easily. The idea of a philosophy of parenting seems to over-complicate things.
The reality is that every parent has one, whether they can state it explicitly or not. And given that the nature of both parents and their offspring is fallen and impacted by rebellion against the Creator, we cannot assume our natural approach is the best approach.
So how do parents end up tearing their hair out over a rebellious primary aged child who does not do what they ask? It happens because from the outset of parenting, they have operated out of a faulty understanding of the nature of the child, and the purpose of the parent.
A modern view of the child and parent
What is the nature of the child? Modern parenting and educational philosophies view the child as containing pent up and endless potential for good, just waiting for the opportunity to express their innate truth, goodness and creativity. Children are the answer to the problems the world faces. They will solve the problems of climate change, racism, sexism and any of the other current -ism’s and ‘phobias’, if parents and teachers would just listen to their wisdom.
Where do we see this worldview today? Everywhere. One place where it is particularly obvious is our modern education system. We speak of child-centred education, and student agency. We see modern learning environments where students determine what they want to learn, how they want to learn, and who they want to learn with. When Johnny isn’t learning, we immediately point the finger at a teacher who is perhaps no engaging, or not catering to Johnny’s preferred learning style.
This worldview is also behind the absurd modern trend of seeking the voice of younger and younger people on serious and complex issues they can’t possibly understand. Thus we have teenagers, whipped into a state of emotional frenzy and fear by teachers and a media focussed on doomsday predictions, protesting over climate change despite having very basic to no knowledge of the scientific discussion. Enter Greta Thunberg with her irritatingly emotional and scientifically devoid blackmail foisted upon us by mainstream media.
A biblical view of the child and parent
Biblical wisdom views the child differently. In the book of Proverbs, Solomon reminds the reader that “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of the child.” Children are conceived in sin. From their very conception, they are tainted by the sin of our father Adam. Thus a chid’s natural inclinations and impulses have to be curbed, and altered so they can live as useful members of society. What comes unnaturally to them must be instilled into them.
That means that our approach to parenting and educating children should not be child-centred if by that we mean driven by doing what the child wants, is interested in, or thinks they need. No, it will be determined by what they actually need, which is the direction, intervention and training of a wise adult.
It doesn’t take a genius to work out which of these views meshes with reality. All it takes is a parent with open eyes. Very early on in the life of a child, as soon as they are able to physically express it, rebellion and self-centeredness become obvious. My youngest has just turned one, and it has been obvious in her for at least 6 months. When told ‘no’ or ‘don’t touch’ she will regularly look at us and reach out to touch what she has been forbidden to touch. When she doesn’t want to eat the food I am offering her on a spoon, she will reach out and hit my hand away, even when what I am offering is good for her, and what she wants to eat is not! No, it is clear to all who would open their eyes that children do not enter this world automatically good and knowing what they need to develop. That is a foolish view.