When I was growing up, there was a real distinction between children and adults. This distinction was demonstrated in many ways, but one that is fading out of existence is the use of titles. I would never have dared to call John Smith by his Christian name. Rather I addressed him as Mr. Smith. Even a young unmarried woman would be addressed with the title Miss. For adults who were family, we would address them with their title: Mum, Dad, Aunty, Uncle, Nana and so on. In situations where we had close family friends, we would address them with Uncle or Aunty and then their first name. While this was the tradition of our culture, I believe there was intent behind it. The intent was for children to realise that there was a distinction and distance between them and adults. Children were most certainly not on par with adults.

The world has changed. In some households, children call their parents by their first name. A number of schools have dispensed with titles. But where I have seen the biggest change is in general culture. In my church, children call me by my first name. In children’s church, my children are encouraged to call their leaders (adults) by their Christian names. This is now normal.

“So what!’ you might say. Not so fast. Little cultural habits matter. They have a message. What is the message that our culture is sending? Children and adults are interchangeable. Adults are not hierarchically above children. They are on the same level. And even if you as a parent disagree with this message, you live and breathe and parent in this culture. Your children are growing up with this cultural worldview. Whether this change is symptomatic of the lack of respect children have for adults, or whether it is part of the cause, there is no doubt we are living in an age where children do not have a healthy respect for adults in general. That is why in our churches we have children who feel no fear in refusing to do what an adult asks them to do.

Where else do we see this message preached by our culture? In the schools. Schools have become child-centred in their approach to learning. Children decide what they want to learn and how they want to learn it. Teachers become facilitators. We see it in youth crime, where young teens are routinely arrested for crime and abuse police officers. We see it in our government taking away the use of physical force as a form of discipline. We see it in our culture celebrating children deciding what gender they identify as. Our culture has tried to flatten the distinction between adult and child, and the ruination of childhood is the result.

It is the small things that signal cultural values. So contrary to common advice, do sweat the small stuff. Talk to your pastor about these things. Require children to address you with your title. It’s not about whether you feel comfortable about it or not. Your comfort is less important than developing a culture that teachers respect for age. Require your own children to address people with titles. Small things matter.