The New Androgyny

Mary Eberstadt is a Catholic author and social commentator who has written a number of great books including Home Alone America, How the West Lost God and her latest book, Primal Screams. If you have never read any of her work before, I’d highly recommend you grab a book of hers from the library.

Primal Screams has the subtitle, “How the sexual revolution created identity politics”. It’s well worth a read. She makes a number of interesting points throughout, but her comments on a section looking at the new androgyny were particularly interesting.

“The bedrock fact is that today’s women are continually given the message that they must perform like men – that men are the standard by which women should be measured.” Obviously, this disadvantages most women, because. unsurprisingly, women are not as good at being men as men! Most women, she rightly points out, cannot compete with men on male terms – ‘sexually, athletically, professionally or otherwise’. She suggests that our view of a successful woman has become the kind of woman how behaves most like a man, and a ‘beta woman’ is one who does not. Women who act like men are rewarded, and those who persist in traditional female roles – ‘marrying, raising a family of size, devoting time and talent to what used to be called domestic arts‘ are viewed with disdain.

As Christians, we ought to celebrate the distinctive designs of men and women and a woman’s special role as nurturer. We ought to challenge the secular paradigm that only one sex is needed and that success for a woman ought to look like success for a man. This is patently untrue and is a denial of creation design. God created Eve because he wanted women in his world. As male and female mankind images God. It is good and right for a woman to attend to the domestic arts and create a haven for her family as a wife and mother. We should celebrate this, and present the superiority of God’s design for families in our joyous, fruitful and serene family life.

Different Bodies Mean Something

Hate speech alert. God’s design for marriage is a man and a woman. The Bible makes this clear, but sometimes we don’t think too hard about this. Why do we need a man and a woman? Is it just because two are better than one? Are we essentially to function in the same way? Are we like dual hard drives in a desktop computer – just in case one fails, we have another exactly the same that can carry on functioning? Sure, we admit we have different bodies. We understand the birds and the bees. But do we realise that our different bodies mean something?

Modern Christians don’t seem to consider the significance of our bodies. This is probably why we have failed to be effective in so many areas. We seem to do pretty much the same things as the pagans around us. We don’t often consider that we are designed and that our differences are deliberate, and that they, therefore, have meaning and purpose.

Consider the modern evangelical Christian couple. They marry – usually later in life than in previous generations. Why? Like most pagans, they consider getting their careers on track is more important than sexual purity and creating a successful family. We don’t tend to question the relatively recent narrative that university education for all is the path to fulfilment and success, because we have accepted individualistic materialism and its focus on personal fulfilment. Then, like most secular couples, at some point, our evangelical couple decides they want to add children to their lives. And note, children are an optional accoutrement. They are not integral to the purpose of marriage. They are not core to the purpose of a man and a woman. No, career is much closer to this.

So what happens next? The wife takes a short amount of time off to have the baby. She takes maternity leave of perhaps a year if the baby is lucky, and then she is back into her career. Childcare is then outsourced to others while the couple continues with the main purpose in their lives – personal fulfilment and the pursuit of materialistic success and wealth. This of course leaves the couple, and particularly the wife feeling guilt as she tries and fails to ace her career, care for her husband and be a wonderful mother.

Is this the way it is supposed to be? Should Christians follow this narrative? Of course not! As Christians, we need to rethink the cultural narrative around us. Our bodies are designed by God and tell us about our purpose. Unfortunately, the story that a woman’s body tells has been placed on the book-burning list. Instead of raising our young Christian woman to see the glory of the domestic sphere – being a supportive wife and mother, as Paul notes (see Titus 2:4, I Timothy 2:15, ) we have taught them like the culture around us to glory in career. We have taught our girls to be men.

Now in Christian circles, highlighting the importance of motherhood and children for our girls is often critiqued. When young Christian women make decisions about further education (for instance choosing not to go to university) that express their desire not to rack up years of study and debt which might make being a full-time wife and mother from an early age more difficult, there are Christians who frown on this. Sometimes we are told, ‘What if she does not get married?’ Now there is an element of truth in this. Not all young women who desire marriage do in fact marry. Yet this does not negate a few important truths. First, marriage is normative, and this means that for most Christian women, the way they will fulfil their Christian kingdom work is in the context of being a wife and mother. Preparing for this is therefore of primary importance. Secondly, the argument can be flipped the other way. Most intelligent and capable young women are exhorted to aim for careers that are not conducive to fulfilling wifely and motherly duties. My question is, ‘What if they get married?’ This is the far more likely eventuality. And yet we ignore it. We end up putting both financial hurdles and temptations in the way that are likely to be a stumbling block to their primary role. Finally, we must recognise the cultural blinders that make us assume that more time at university is the path to success. Maybe a young girl won’t marry and have children. But does that mean working as a nurse is less important than working as a surgeon?

A woman in marriage is designed primarily to help her husband in his dominion task by carrying and nurturing children and creating a wonderfully supportive domestic realm. She is not designed to provide for herself. We should not be ashamed of these truths. The world and culture around us have neglected these truths, to the detriment of men, children and women. The Christian way is beautiful and provides an arena for us to flourish in the bodies and roles God has given us. So let’s encourage our girls that it is legitimate to long for children and desire to support a husband. Let’s innoculate them against the secular lie of our age that a woman’s greatest happiness can be found in a career or pursuing the masculine calling of dominion. Too many miserable and stressed women testify against this. Let’s teach our girls of the supremely important role they have in Christ’s kingdom. Let’s excite them with the impact that strong marriages and families have for the kingdom of God.

Thoughts on Responsibility for Young Men Part II

In a previous post, we looked at how God designed men to exercise authority, to teach, to provide and to protect. In today’s post, we will investigate how the fall changed men. How has sin damaged the responsibility design? Let’s look at how Adam’s fall into sin affected these four areas in which he was called to exercise responsibility. It’s a sketch of failed masculinity.

First we see that Adam failed to lead authoritatively. The temptation of Eve shows this. All while Eve is being tempted by the serpent, Adam seems to have been standing silently with his wife. We do not realise that he is right next to her until we read the words, “She took of its fruit and ate, and she also gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate.” Adam had authority over Eve and the whole created order, yet he stood passively by watching things unfold. He failed to take seriously his responsibility to exercise authoritty as the leader of mankind.

Next, there is in the text a suggestion of his failure to teach the knowledge of God. Remember, God had given Adam alone the instructions about the tree. He was told about this before Eve was made. So it was his job to pass on this knowledge to his wife Eve. It seems like he did not do this well, for when the serpent asks Eve about the tree, she adds to God’s command by saying they were not allowed to touch the tree, which was not part of God’s original command. Again, Adam passively watches and does not correct his wife’s error. He fails to take responsibility to teach truth.

Thirdly, we see his failure to protect. What should Adam have done when this strange creature started speaking with his wife and questioning God’s Word. At the very least, he should have rebuked it and commanded its silence and banished it from the garden. Perhaps he should have crushed its head for challenging the words of his king. He was after all given dominion over all the earth including the creatures therein. Yet he stood by passively.

Finally, there is also a hint of Adam’s failure to provide. This is certainly less clear, but I think is implicit. God created a world of plenty, and he put Adam in a garden to work it. This would produce good things. What was Adam doing standing next to Eve doing nothing? Why was Eve looking at the tree longingly? Was Adam providing as he should have been? Questions we cannot answer for sure, but worth pondering.

So God comes down to deal with rebellion. Notice that when God arrives on the scene, He speaks with Adam first. Adam has authority, and God begins with the one who is ultimately responsible here. It was Adam’s fall that brought humanity into sin. Unfortunately, when God questions Adam, Adam acts in a most unmasculine way. He evades responsibility. He blames Eve and ultimately God himself. And this is the natural state of fallen masculinity today. We like to blame others and situations for failure; we refuse to take our masculine responsibilities seriously.

Now let’s consider the consequences of Adam’s rebellion. God curses the area of Adam’s prime responsibility, that of provision. In the curse, God responds to Adam’s blame-shifting. God’s reason for the curse on his provision of food is because he listened to the voice of his wife and disobeyed by eating from the tree. It’s not Eve’s fault. If Adam had been doing his job, he would have lead his wife, not been led by her. A true man is not led by the voice of his wife to disobey God. The line of authority is God, then husband, then wife. And so, thorns and thistles will now hamper the masculine responsibility of providing food. Now by the sweat of his brow he will provide for himself, his wife and his children. Additionally, we see that Adam’s role of authority is now cursed. The earth will no longer easily yield to him. Nor will his wife, and the marriage relationship will regularly become a battle for power and authority.

Thoughts on Responsibility for Young Men

Many of the early battles God will bring into a young man’s life have a particular theme; taking responsibility. One of the least masculine things you can see is a fully grown man blaming events and other people for the difficulties he finds himself in. Strong and godly men take responsibility. Boys and weak men blame. One of the reasons our world is in such chaos today is because men have failed to take responsibility for themselves and the people around them. God designed men to lead, but so often they prefer passivity.

Where do we see this in the Bible? The best place to look is in Genesis where we see what things were supposed to be like before the fall into sin. In Genesis 1:26-28, we see God created mankind in his image and likeness to have dominion over the created earth and its creatures. The task for mankind was to fill the earth and subdue it.

So what is a man’s role in all of this? As we look at Adam, we see that responsible masculinity is tied to a number of areas. The first area is authority. Adam was designed with authority. God gave him responsibility for all of creation. He was to have dominion or rule over creation, and that rule included rule over Eve who was created to help him in his role. Notice that Adam named the animals alone, and he also named Eve. He was designed to exercise authority in the dominion mandate.

The second area of responsibility for Adam, connected with his role of authority was teaching. God gave Adam the command about not eating from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil. It was Adam’s responsibility to pass on and teach Eve and ultimately his children this command. Responsible masculinity is about passing on the knowledge of God to our wives and children.

Next, Adam was responsible for working and through that work providing. Genesis 2:15 demonstrates this. Here God puts Adam in the garden to work and keep it. In working the garden, we see the masculine responsibility of providing food. God didn’t design the garden as some idyllic island vacation where Adam and Eve were to sun themselves sitting in hammocks while waiters brought them cold drinks and snacks. Yes, the garden provided plenty of food, but Adam was still designed to work in it, and ultimately through his offspring to continue to fill the earth and subdue it. The garden was in miniature what he and his children were to continue to do with the rest of the earth.

Finally, we see that Adam was designed to protect. Obviously, a man’s body indicates this. Men are larger and stronger than women. But the Genesis account specifically mentions the role of protection. Again in Genesis 2:15, we read that Adam was placed in the garden to keep it. Here is the suggestion of protecting and guarding. God knew that Satan was on the loose, and knew Adam would need to protect the garden and all who dwelt in it from him.

So in summary, Adam was designed to exercise authority, to teach, to provide and to protect. As the original man, we can infer from this that these things are masculine responsibilities. Therefore, a man is responsible to rule, teach, provide for and protect his family. And to the extent that a man succeeds in this arena, he should, as God allows, fulfil these duties in wider society.

Reddit Parenting Advice #7

We continue on our Reddit parenting advice series with a slightly different type of query. In this post, we explore career vs family. How do we decide what weighting to give career vs children? As Christians, we must let God’s Word determine how we approach life. So let’s take a look at the question and then consider briefly what a Christian response might be.

Partner and I have two beautiful children, 2.5 and 8 months. We don’t “feel” done, but at the same time, we know that growing our family is not untenable, but not the smartest move, with our current careers. More specifically, I (33F) would have to modify the career path I’d envisioned in order for a bigger family, as my husband’s (35M) isn’t as flexible as mine.

I want to grow my family, but not at the expense of my education and a huge part of my identity. Or maybe I don’t know it yet, but a large part of my identity is having 3+ children! Parents who struggled with this dilemma, how did you decide where your priorities were?

First of all, when considering this question, we must consider the concept of career. In the past, our forefathers tended to think of their work as a vocation – a calling. It was a way of providing for themselves and their families, and it was a way of serving the community. When considering career, both as fathers and mothers, we need to remember that our identities should not be tied to this aspect of our lives. We don’t have careers for ourselves. We work to feed our family and to serve the world through the gifts God has given us, but climbing a corporate ladder for our identity without regard to the impact this has on our family is unwise.

Secondly, we need to consider what God tells us about masculine and feminine roles. Now even in Christian circles, this will seem old fashioned, but it seems to me that the Bible clearly teaches different roles for husbands and wives. A brief read of Genesis 1 and 2 will demonstrate that before the fall into sin, Adam, as the first husband was required to lead, provide food from the garden and protect the garden and implicitly his wife. A husband is directed outward to the world and the dominion mandate. Eve, as Adam’s wife was directed toward Adam as his helper. How does she help him in the dominion mandate? She bears children. Thus together they are able to fill the earth and subdue it. The apostle Paul teaches that wives ought to be focussed on their husbands and children and be busy in the home. Of course, a lot more could be said here, but the Bible teaches that men should provide for their families, and wives should be focussed on nurture and the domestic sphere. This does not mean that a wife is unable to work or do anything outside the home, as the Proverbs 31 woman demonstrates. It does mean that her priority is her children and husband. All this is a long way of saying that as a wife, your God-given mission is your husband and your children – so go to it! God did call us to be fruitful and multiply, so I’d say that if possible that means more than two! You’ll always find joy in fulfilling your God-given calling.

Finally, we should note that for most of us, we will never have careers of great importance. Not many of us will be CEOs of major corporations. Not many of us will be Prime Ministers. Few of us will be movie stars. Most of our work, while serving neighbour, is not particularly awe-inspiring. Few will remember us after we are gone. So as Christians, we should realise that our greatest impact for Christ’s kingdom will be through the investment we make in our families. Investing strongly by spending time on your children’s spiritual development you are helping raise a grounded and strong family. These children will then in turn have an impact on the lives of their families. Who knows how many millions will be in Christ’s kingdom as a result of your faithfulness as a wife in this area? Likely as not, raising a godly family will be the most important work you do for Christ’s kingdom.

Family and Ministry

In an era that sees work outside the home as the way a woman should find fulfilment, it’s not surprising that many zealous Christian young women can pit family against ministry. They may want to serve God, but think that family and children may get in the way. This is a mistake. As we have discussed previously (both here and here), your most important ministry is likely to be your family. God has designed women to be directed toward their husbands and children. This is the ‘helping’ role of Genesis. This is a good thing. To turn away from this godly gift looking for something better is a mistake. Kent and Barbara Hughes address this in their book Disciplines of a Godly Family, arguing that ministering to family actually enables other ministry.

We believe this is an unfortunate delusion. Aside from the obvious objections (namely, that such thinking reveals a shriveled view of parenting, and the fact that good parenti9ng requires every ounce of intelligence and creativity one can give), it also fails to recognize that family is at the very heart of authentic ministry and evangelism. As ministry professionals, we hold the firm conviction that family is ministry and that the most effective spread of the gospel occurs through family. We are also convinced that we were never more effective in evangelism than when we had children at home.

Kent and Barabara Hughes in Disciplines of a Godly Family