Recently I viewed some great clips of Matt Walsh giving parenting advice, and I thought I’d get in on the act. It looks like it could be quite fun, and given I have a number of children, and have an interest in parenting children and education, I may even try to make this a semi-regular feature. Today we will look at a post on Reddit.
I’ve seen a lot of posts about baby not sleeping without being held but these all seem to just apply to naps because these people still manage to get baby into the cot at night. We can’t. At all.
We’re 5 1/2 months in and we’ve tried a few times to get him in his cot with no joy. I get into the cot myself and nurse him the try seeking out but it’s like he knows he’s in the wrong bed. We can practically throw him in our bed and he doesn’t flinch but we place him carefully and feed him in the cot and it’s like he just knows! He used to go in for 20 mins here and there but now he won’t even co sleep without me holding his hand or nursing him.
It’s my fault. I do love cosleeping and know breaking this habit is going to mean possibly weeks of no sleep for me, my husband or my toddler so I’ve opted for the easy life but he needs to leave at some point…
FYI We have a toddler so any advice needs to take her into consideration. We don’t really want to consider any form of sleep training until he is past his 9 month sleep regression at least.
Ok, so let me start with the first paragraph. We have a mother who cannot get her 5-month-old into a cot at night. I actually don’t believe that for a minute. There is no way it is physically impossible for a mother to get her 5-month-old baby into a cot. What you are actually saying is you won’t put your baby into the cot. One of the biggest failings in modern parenting is that adults refuse to be adults. You are the parent. You run the show. If you can be beaten by a 5-month-old, perhaps you should consider what has gone wrong.
Then in our next paragraph we find out that she has managed to get him in his cot, but with no joy. In other words, he cries when you put him into the cot. This mother has even tried to get him to sleep in the cot by getting into the cot herself. Seriously?! Dear reader, do you have that mental picture emblazoned in your mind? This is where poor parenting philosophy will lead you…back into a cot. Clearly lack of sleep does terrible things to our cognitive functioning.
In paragraph three we get the truth. Our mother admits it is all her fault. Correct. She has created this habit because of her own love for cosleeping with her child. In putting her own desires ahead of her child’s actual needs, she has created a sleep problem for her child. She rightly points out that she has opted for the easy life. She has trained her child to need her to sleep, and it is no surprise that he now needs her to sleep.
Situations like this in parenting are all too frequent, and there are almost always a few common elements. The first is the life principle that those people who opt for the easy choice often end up walking the hard road. When it comes to making decisions, there is often a difficult choice and an easy choice. An example would be putting your child down to sleep. It’s difficult to do this at first, and new mothers find it hard to be parted from their little ones. It is easier to hold and rock the child, and it’s beautiful to see a baby fall asleep in your arms. It’s a lot harder to make the choice to put them down and hear a bit of crying. But the truth is, the difficult choice leads to an easier life, whereas the easy choice leads to a difficult life. This is a common theme in many parenting dilemmas.
The second common element is that so often parents know what they need to do, but they do not have the ability or will to carry it out. This mother knows she needs to let the child cry and learn to sleep, but she is putting artificial barriers in the way because she does not have the will or strength to do it. As you can see, this is related to the first point. If you go through life making all easy choices, you do not develop the strength of character to make difficult choices. Unfortunately, as a result of this, you will forever be suffering the harsh consequences of not being up to doing what you need to do.
The final element in all of this is that your inability to do the right thing does not just impact you, but it impacts your husband, your toddler, and also, your baby himself. Learning to sleep is extremely important in your baby’s cognitive development. More sleep is correlated with higher IQ and performance in school years. A good parent, should strive to ensure that their own emotional weakness does not get in the way of their child’s development. So grow a bit of character, make the hard decision and give your child sleep. It won’t take weeks. It will take a few nights of you developing the strength of character to allow your child to cry it out. Don’t make out like you love your child and people who love their children would never do this. Loving your child means doing what is best for them. What you actually love is your feelings. So get over that, and act for the good of your child and the rest of your family.