We continue on our Reddit parenting advice series with a slightly different type of query. In this post, we explore career vs family. How do we decide what weighting to give career vs children? As Christians, we must let God’s Word determine how we approach life. So let’s take a look at the question and then consider briefly what a Christian response might be.
Partner and I have two beautiful children, 2.5 and 8 months. We don’t “feel” done, but at the same time, we know that growing our family is not untenable, but not the smartest move, with our current careers. More specifically, I (33F) would have to modify the career path I’d envisioned in order for a bigger family, as my husband’s (35M) isn’t as flexible as mine.
I want to grow my family, but not at the expense of my education and a huge part of my identity. Or maybe I don’t know it yet, but a large part of my identity is having 3+ children! Parents who struggled with this dilemma, how did you decide where your priorities were?
First of all, when considering this question, we must consider the concept of career. In the past, our forefathers tended to think of their work as a vocation – a calling. It was a way of providing for themselves and their families, and it was a way of serving the community. When considering career, both as fathers and mothers, we need to remember that our identities should not be tied to this aspect of our lives. We don’t have careers for ourselves. We work to feed our family and to serve the world through the gifts God has given us, but climbing a corporate ladder for our identity without regard to the impact this has on our family is unwise.
Secondly, we need to consider what God tells us about masculine and feminine roles. Now even in Christian circles, this will seem old fashioned, but it seems to me that the Bible clearly teaches different roles for husbands and wives. A brief read of Genesis 1 and 2 will demonstrate that before the fall into sin, Adam, as the first husband was required to lead, provide food from the garden and protect the garden and implicitly his wife. A husband is directed outward to the world and the dominion mandate. Eve, as Adam’s wife was directed toward Adam as his helper. How does she help him in the dominion mandate? She bears children. Thus together they are able to fill the earth and subdue it. The apostle Paul teaches that wives ought to be focussed on their husbands and children and be busy in the home. Of course, a lot more could be said here, but the Bible teaches that men should provide for their families, and wives should be focussed on nurture and the domestic sphere. This does not mean that a wife is unable to work or do anything outside the home, as the Proverbs 31 woman demonstrates. It does mean that her priority is her children and husband. All this is a long way of saying that as a wife, your God-given mission is your husband and your children – so go to it! God did call us to be fruitful and multiply, so I’d say that if possible that means more than two! You’ll always find joy in fulfilling your God-given calling.
Finally, we should note that for most of us, we will never have careers of great importance. Not many of us will be CEOs of major corporations. Not many of us will be Prime Ministers. Few of us will be movie stars. Most of our work, while serving neighbour, is not particularly awe-inspiring. Few will remember us after we are gone. So as Christians, we should realise that our greatest impact for Christ’s kingdom will be through the investment we make in our families. Investing strongly by spending time on your children’s spiritual development you are helping raise a grounded and strong family. These children will then in turn have an impact on the lives of their families. Who knows how many millions will be in Christ’s kingdom as a result of your faithfulness as a wife in this area? Likely as not, raising a godly family will be the most important work you do for Christ’s kingdom.