Peer Pressure

In a recent post looking at one of the excuses Christian parents make to avoid giving a Christian education, we focused on the holy grail of school for many, that of socialisation. In passing, I mentioned that socialisation in a secular environment could look like a child conforming to the pattern of this world rather than being transformed into the image of Christ.

Hannah Arendt, an American political commentator who wrote many books commented on the issue of peer pressure in an essay entitled “Crisis in Education”. There she compares the authority of a tyrannical individual over a child with the tyranny of a group. She writes:

the authority of a group, even a child group, is always considerably stronger and more tyrannical than the severest authority of an individual person can ever be. If one looks at it from the standpoint of the individual child, his chances to rebel or to do anything on his own hook are practically nil; he no longer finds himself in a very unequal contest with a person who has, to be sure, absolute superiority over him but in contest with whom he can nevertheless count on the solidarity of other children, that is, of his own kind; rather he is in the position, hopeless by definition, of a minority of one confronted by the absolute majority of all the others. There are very few grown people who can endure such a situation, even when it is not supported by external means of compulsion; children are simply and utterly incapable of it.

While not a Christian as far as I can tell, Arendt is right on the money and her point has implications for Christian parents. Few grown-up people can endure the pressure of being the odd one out. Witness the way your facebook friends pay homage to the alphabet cult during ‘pride’ month by changing their profile pictures. Children cannot handle this pressure at all. They are by intention programmed to imitate those around them. However in God’s design, this ought to be parents and other wise adults, not their peers. In our modern world, we bundle them off into huge schools, where they are isolated from wise adult council and surrounded by hundreds of other children their own age. To make matters worse, for the Christian, most of these children come from families who have no love for Christ and are caught up in rebellion and idolatry. How will your children stand in this pressure when the entire system is predicated on turning out children who have internalize the norms and ideologies of society – a society that is at war with the king?

Excuses for Avoiding the Responsibility of Christian Education #2

Christians in the West are gripped in a fearful idolatry. We, like the ancient Israelites, cannot decide who we worship. Elijah asked the Israelites, “How long will you go limping between two different opinions? If the LORD is God, follow him; but if Baal, then follow him.” Today we could say, “How long will you go limping between two different opinions. If Christ is king, follow him, but if the state, then follow it.” Nowhere is this idolatry more obvious than in our capitulation in education. Christians give their children to the enemies of Christ in the hope that their minds will be trained. A few weeks ago we began a series on the excuses Christian parents make for avoiding the responsibility of Christian education. There we looked at perhaps the most sanctified excuse – that of wanting our children to be salt and light. Today we investigate another common excuse: socialisation.

Excuse 2: Socialisation

Many parents have noticed that children who are homeschooled, and even to a certain extent children who attend Christian schools (and I’m not talking about the Christian veneer type schools, but Christian down to the roots types), are…well different. They tend not to be as aware of or obsessed with current fashions in clothing, music and thought. It shows. And parents, because they love their children, do not want their children to have a tough time. They want them to have friends and fit in. They don’t want ‘nerdy’ children. They often want their children to be ‘cool’.

However, this ought not to be the primary goal of a Christian parent. We should seek holiness for our children. And that ought to mean they are different to the children brought up with the secular values of mainstream society. Socialisation is the process of a child internalizing the norms and ideologies of society. Now if a society is secular and anti-Christ, then we ought not to want that for our children. In fact, if we want that, we cannot call ourselves Christians in any meaningful way. A Christian wants what Christ wants, and Christ wants followers who are not of the world. We want our children to be different. They ought not to fit in. They ought to be an irritation to a society that is in high rebellion to Christ because they will be constantly reminding them of their need to repent, not only by their speech but by their different values expressed in the way they live with Christ as Lord of all.

In Idols for Destruction, Herbert Sclossberg deals briefly with the concept of socialisation and a Christian response.

Society’s most important institutions serve the socializing function, making people better balance and adjusted to the way things are. And that is why they are so dangerous. All education is of necessity value-laden, and the public school is the most powerful of these instruments of conformity. Its goal is to instil society’s norms and to discredit deviant ideas. The best elements of the Christian school movement…is a determined No! by parents to the homogenization of American life, a recognition that the model to which their children are intended to be conformed has become evil.

Excuses for Avoiding the Responsibility of Christian Education #1

It has long been my bitter experience that many Christians are ambivalent to Christian education. Sure it might be good for some children they say, but my children don’t need it. So today we are beginning a series highlighting the excuses Christian parents make for avoiding the responsibility of a Christian education.

Excuse 1: I want my children to be salt and light

This has to be the most virtuous excuse that I have heard. What Christian doesn’t want their children to be salt and light? Yet while the number of Christians who use this excuse is significant, the number of children in government schools who are actually salt and light is far fewer. For many Christians, this is just a pious platitude, an excuse to assuage their guilty consciences that they might just be prioritising material goods or something else over obedience to Christ.

While there are some children from exceptional Christian families who by God’s grace are actually salt and light in their public schools, far more frequently, the witnessing and converting is occurring in the opposite direction. Christian children are being conformed to the pattern of this world. Compare if you will, children who attend decent (as opposed to nominal) Christian schools or are homeschooled to children who are at public schools. The public school children are often ‘cooler’ and far more attuned to what is acceptable to the secular world. Their ‘secular and religiously neutral education’ has done its job well. You can see this often in their dress and demeanour as well as their speech and values. How many children has the church lost to the faith because we have deceived ourselves into thinking this ‘salt and light’ approach to be an effective evangelistic strategy? Spoiler alert; it’s not.

Now while there are some sincere Christians who use and believe this excuse, it is important for us to see what is often actually going on. This is an attempt to paint a decision that runs counter to God’s commands as a righteous decision. It’s actually quite clever, and man has been doing this sort of thing forever. I’m looking at you Saul. But it will not do. To obey is better than to sacrifice. God holds parents and particularly fathers responsible for the education of children. In Ephesians 6:4, Paul exhorts fathers to bring their children up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord. He categorically did not suggest bringing them up in the discipline and instruction of Caesar or any other pretender to the throne of the universe.

Yes of course we should announce the news of the kingdom! Yes of course we want our children to be salt and light! We don’t just want the right outcome and let’s face it, our current obsession with public secular education over the last few generations hasn’t achieved this, but is at least partly responsible for the decimation of the church. What we also want is that our process and methods are God-honouring. And we know, that when we honour God in obedience, he blesses us. Look at Psalm 78. As we the covenant people of God honour Him by teaching our children so that the next generation will know His law, then we will see a new generation putting their trust in God, remembering his redemptive deeds and remaining loyal to him. These children will be more salty and far brighter lights for having developed a Christian rather than secular worldview.