The Reddit parenting subreddit has been useful in finding food for thought on this blog. We have investigate issues pertaining to sleep, weight, oppositional defiance disorder, and children vs career among other topics. Today we are looking at boys and screens.

 I need academic advice. We had to ground my son from electronics due to low grades and not paying attention in class. He has them back since he did improve (a little) he is still struggling with math and science and sometimes reading. He only has them on the weekends after he studies during the week and does his morning routine. We did equal work for equal play. So he doesn’t study he doesn’t play. But I know he also used to really depend on help from his grandma to do his homework. When we moved we had him doing it on his own and it was a struggle. He couldn’t. He asked us questions all the time and for breaks when he only had like 4 questions done. My mom didn’t help us. We got what we got the only thing she did was make sure we got our homework done. Even for project, she got us the supplies but we did 90% of the work. What could be the issue games or too much help? Do you parents help your kids with school or let them get what they earn? Do you parents have gamer kids who are doing good in their academics? Do you limit or not limit? Or should I just not worry and let him be let natural consequences take its course. Like he fails he will have to repeat the grade. He does enjoy getting good grades, so my fear is if he keeps struggling he might lose interest in his academics.

So in summary we have a 9 year old boy who has been grounded from electronics due to low grades and lack of focus in class. This parent has noticed that her son is relies heavily on grandma to get his homework done, and is wondering whether games are potential behind his lethargy regarding effort in school work.

This is a great question. As a teacher, I have seen all too often that boys and screens are an unfortunate combination. There is something about gaming that is attractive to boys. It tends to become an all-consuming passion for many, and can become the only topic of conversation, even in the playground. I once did an informal survey of a 9-11 year old class I taught. One of the boys spent 14 hours gaming in a matter of a few days. Needless to say, he was not in good academic shape. His writing was boring, because he had few real world experiences and read very little outside of school. His maths was also sub par. He was a nice boy, but he was headed for low skill employment, all because his parents refused to take responsibility for the indirect teaching that screen time represents.

When considering boys (or indeed children) and screens, a parent must do a cost benefit analysis. I have done one with my children, and found that the benefits of allowing them regular discretionary screen time are fairly minimal. The costs are considerable and are too often ignored. As a family we have decided that we value our children engaging in creative play, reading, and outdoor fun far more than we value gaming and TV watching. Accordingly, we have never allowed our children to play video games unattended, and they rarely play them at all. They might watch a movie once or twice a month. It’s not that these things are bad, it’s that we believe there are better things they can be doing.

How does this work out for us? Fairly well. We notice our children can amuse themselves for hours with imaginary games. They do not whine to watch TV or play on a tablet. It is just not a part of their normal expectations of life. Has this made a difference academically? One of our children is a boy in this 9-year-old sort of range. He is like many other boys of this age – not super at focussing, and not hugely interested in school work. However, he can be given tasks to complete. He loves making things, and will occupy himself with cardboard and scissors and string making odd contraptions. We try not to baby him when it comes to projects and expect him to take a lead in doing the work. Sure he has a long way to go, but he does not have the addictive poison of screen time which dampens a boy’s natural interest in God’s world running through his veins.

So my advice to parents would be this. Avoid video games for your boys. Boys easily become addicted to them, and they become consumed by them. If you do decide to go this route, make it a family activity. By this I mean it should be something done in the family community. For example, once a month could be PlayStation night and children and parents gather in the lounge together and play a game with each other, taking turns. In my opinion, avoid at all costs allowing your boy to have a computer or device that he is allowed to pick up and play games on when he feels like it. This is not conducive to a boy’s development of responsible masculinity. Restrict and control the use of screens so that it is a small part of your boys life. Find better things for your boy to do. Think about what activities will help him develop real-life skills that will aid him become a responsible man who can lead his family well.